Frustration

I am terribly frustrated with my body.

8 and a 1/2 months ago I had my right ovary removed.

I went to the doctor yesterday because I am having the same symptons in the same area.

Stange because there is nothing there...

Looking at the ultra sound, it looks like I have PCOS in my left ovary and it is enlarged now..

It has grown in the past 8 and a 1/2 months...

I also have some sort of fluid chillin in there.. I don't know what that is but eww...

So the doctor and I agree that the best course right now is antibiotics and pain meds...

Today..

I start having the pain in my actual stomach that causes me great difficulty to eat. It is like sharp stabby shooty pains in my stomach.

And it makes me want to barf.

So I am back to where I was in November.

Waiting to see what we are going to do...

If the other one is removed.. there goes my chances for mini me and Nicks. :(

But what am I going to do.. I don't really have much choice do I?

*sigh*

This sucks.

San Francisco

I love this city..

I really do.

Naked people walking down the street...

Street vendors and performers..

The ocean..

Sea Lions..

Really...

What is not to love?

And..

The love of my life is there.

That is the icing on the cake.

I am counting down the days until I can leave the desert and live in the city that feels like home to me...

Well.. outside the city but still.. 20 miles from San Francisco but still in the bay area.. I will take it!

I sit here, in my kitchen, thinking about the day when I will pack up everything I own and move out of Arizona.

115 degrees, desert, nothingness and I really do not get along at all.

We are not friends.

There are no trees for me to hug here, no grass for me to walk bearfoot it.

I can not keep a plant alive because it is so dry and hot.

I don't like it.

Not one bit.

Send me home to San Francisco where the Pirate Ship Barbara Ann resides, where it rains and I can hug a tree.

Things that Go Bump in the Night..

So this is a little creepy..

(and explains why Autum (she is my 8 year old cat) was acting a little odd this morning...)

I am laying in bed getting ready to motivate myself to shower.. because really, when you work at home.. no one is going to notice if you have a cloud of stink around you like Pig Pen from Peanuts.

Back to the story..

I was laying in bed trying to get her attention by running my fingers accross the side of the bed so she would come snuggle with me.

She would look at my hand and look insistently to the kitchen.

This went on for about ten minutes. I blew it off and just figured that Simon (3 year old cat) was taunting her all night and she was just watching her back.

So I get up and make some coffee, get in the shower and get ready to start my day.

About half hour into my work day I go out to the porch to smoke..

much like I usually do. Nothing different so I think.

I walk out on to the porch and I see that the door to the water heater closet is open..

Now this has a door knob on it that actually is secure. It is pretty tight to so you really kind of have to turn it to get it open, so it isn't like the wind could open it.

I have not opened that door in about 3 months.. I have no need to. It just has a bunch of crap in there that I really don't need.

Why would this door be open?

I don't have a problem with the water heater.... So there was no maintenance call..

My front door was locked..

Why would somebody jump the wall to my porch to look in the closet?

I think maybe I should really start listening to my cats when they start acting a little odder than normal.

Needless to say.. I am a little creeped out..

I think I will actually be sleeping with my baseball bat tonight in my bed rather than next to the bed..

What I heard the other day...

So..

I was watching TV the other day.. As I do..

Because really..

It is so GD hot in AZ that during the day.. Unless you want to deal with some serious swamp ass, you stay inside until the sun goes down..

And even then.. that is debatable..

Anyway,

I was shocked by what I was hearing on TV.

Have we become so desensitized that we do not become offended anymore by what the writers are putting into these shows?

Due to this,

I did some serious thinking over the weekend. What happen to shows like Alice, The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Dean Martin Show.. Even The Muppet Show.

To me, I might only be 32, but those were good shows. Funny, you could relate to their situations, you could learn something from them.

They had a lesson. They didn't need to swear or drop the N word. They were just funny and relatable.

Don't get me wrong, I did have a Bridezillas marathon yesterday.. But I think that was to ensure that if and when I ever get married, I don't treat my friends and family like those women did.

And I have seen my fair share of reality shows, crime drama's and what not..

But in thinking about it..

I stopped watching those because they are depressing.. and really.. If I wanted to be depressed.. I could watch the news.

I think that it is time for a change in the world.. And this starts with one person.

I think we need to start learning again. And being kinder to one another.. It only really takes one smile to change someones day. Which by the way.. can COMPLETELY freak someone out. Which is kind of fun to take them out of their self absorbtion and back to reality for a second.

With all that I have been thinking about the past 2 days.. I have decided to take classes through my local city and learn something.

Socialize with more people on a like minded level and move away from the TV.

Time to get back to what reality really is and not what they show (scripted) on TV.