The Joy that is my Vagina

Ladies have them...

I have an opinion on them though..

I hate mine.

Went for my follow up appointment today..

Let me start at the beginning so we are on the same page...

Last November I had the joy and discomfort of having my right ovary removed.

I went to the emergency room at the end of October because I had really bad pain in my lower right side.

After I got probed in the butt to make sure it wasn't appendicitis, I was probed in the hooha and they found 2 cysts about 7CM large attached to my right ovary like a dumb bell.

So November 12th 2010 I had my right ovary removed.. We are not even going to talk about what I had to go through to get myself a room at the uber sketchy hospital and the time it took to get me into the OR.. (I was 12 hours late for surgery because there were SO many other surgeries before me).

So..,

8 and 1/2 almost 9 full months later..

I am back in the same spot.

I started presenting with the same symptoms on the same side which is really odd...

BUT.. sometimes the way the brain and the body works, it is common to feel pain from the right on the left or the left on the right..

So...

Back to my follow up today..

More poking in the hooha.. yes.. please jab that wand in my left ovary because I love to move up the table in pain.. really I do.

After seeing that my vagina is apparently like a freakin camel and retains water as such (WTF), my left ovary has grown a little more since last week (HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?) and the little cysty fucks are there too...more of them.. little fuckers..

My doctor brings in the other doctor to take a look..

The other doctor thinks that we are looking at a fallopain tube.. (really, I don't think my fallopian tube should look like a red vine.. but what do I know about my body and faulty reproductive organs...)

He thinks that I should be put on birth control for the next 3 months and see what happens.. when I say no.. it is far too much estrogen for me to handle and I am enough of a bitch WITHOUT any assistance.. He recommends progesterone for 3 months...

After my doctor and the other doctor argue like a married couple for a few minutes, the 2nd doctor leaves..

Luckily.. my doctor is pretty laid back.. I guess you have to be when you are stuck looking a vaginas all day.

I ask if they alway argue like a married couple.. (the nurse appreciated that one)

He said no, but he fully disagreed with what his partner had said.

So.. we discussed options.. (really, I just don't want to be in pain anymore.. as much as I love opiates.. they are fun.. I would like to poop without the assistance of a stool softener. My poor neighbors must really be shocked to hear the sounds that come out of my apartment.. It sounds like there is a freakin tug boat in here trying to sound the horn under water.. It is so gross. Thank GOD my boyfriend is not here for this.. the poor cats though... Sorry kitties and neighbors).

Oh yeah..

Sorry..

Back to what I was talking about.

I could be put on progesterone or we could go in and remove the little fuckers.

So Tuesday almost 9 months to the day that I had my first surgery, I go back in to have the new little cysty fuckers removed. And a little exploratory surgery to see what else may be causing the pain.

Hopefully, we can just get the cysts removed without having to remove the ovary. Worst case scenario.., it goes too.. But.. I have the joy of having laproscopic surgery through my stomach again and that will be.. lets count it.. 12.. yes 12! scars on my stomach.

After the surgery, I go an a regimen of progesterone for about 3 months to see if this will stop the cysts from coming back.

If this doesn't work.. then.. well.. I guess we see what happens. The joy of medicine.. it is a practice.. trial and error..

So fingers crossed.. prayers being said sleep being done and the ass dent in my couch becoming a little deeper.